The Story of Wendy and Me. My darling wife Wendy and I found each other late in life. We met on 23rd October 1999, both having previously been unlucky in love. Both of us were deserted by our partners, in her case leaving her with an 18 month old son, Matthew, and a 6 week old daughter, Sarah. She spent the next 18 years working at 2 and sometimes 3 part time jobs to make sure that they never went without and that their home was a place of love, fun and happiness. She even managed to buy them both their first cars when they got to seventeen years of age ! They went on to make her so proud by Matt becoming a police officer and Sarah graduating from university with a B.A.Hons. They were everything to Wend. They were truly the centre of her universe. But she was not just their Mum, she was their best friend as well.By the time I met Wendy the kids were 20 and 22 so not really kids anymore. We met through a lonely hearts column in a local paper, when Wendy answered an advert that I had placed, and we hit it off straight away. It was as if we had known each other all our lives. It was so strange that we were both born in the same hospital in West London, yet were not to meet till destiny brought us together 49 years later. We were truly made for each other and fate had at last brought us together. I’ll never forget our very first date. I picked Wendy up and we went to a local pub for a drink and lunch. As nerves were getting the better of us both, we decided to share lunch and to this day I can remember that it was sweet and sour pork and rice that we shared. Wend later told me that she thought, ‘If I can share lunch with him on our first date, he can’t be too bad !’. I knew, within that first week of meeting Wend, that she was the woman for me and that I wanted to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her. She was kind, caring, compassionate, generous and totally selfless. She always cared more about others than herself and could only ever see the good in people. She just radiated goodness. I had never met anyone in my life who came close to having the qualities that Wend did. She was so giving of herself to everyone and was always there for someone in need. She was always smiling,her smile could light up a room and she had the most beautiful sparkling blue eyes. She had the most positive outlook on life. The next 5 years were wonderful. We spent months improving the house, new kitchen, new bathroom, landscaped garden, central heating, decorated top to bottom etc, whilst I still kept my home in Selsdon running. As the years went by, I used to hate leaving Wend at the end of the day to travel back to my home more and more. I found it so lonely living in my house alone and rattling about on my own. So in 2003, we decided to sell my house and move in together here in Coulsdon. We spent wonderful holidays abroad. We travelled to Baltimore, Florida,(twice), The Maldives,(twice) Dubai, Antigua, New York, Paris, Bruges and Virginia. It was wonderful to take Wend to see the world. It was on one of our trips to the Maldives to an island called Vakaru, that I decided to propose to Wend. I arranged for dinner to be served to us on the beach under the stars outside our beach bungalow. During the meal, I got down on one knee in the sand and asked Wend if one day in the future, when she felt the time was right, would she do me the honour of allowing me to marry her and care for her for the rest of her life. She agreed, and made me the happiest man alive. On our way home from the Maldives, we spent 4 days in Dubai during which time we went to the Gold Souk and bought her engagement ring. Typical of Wend though, she wouldn’t buy the ring until she had haggled the store owner down to a price that she thought was reasonable, as it turned out, about ½ the original price !! Not bad for someone who said she would be too embarrassed to haggle !! It made me so happy to see the enjoyment on her face when I used to buy her gifts or take her away on holiday. That was where I got my pleasure, not from the holiday or gift itself, but in giving to Wend who so deserved to be treated as the special person she truly was. There was not one single day in all the years we were together that I did not tell her that I loved her. I know she knew how much and how deeply I loved her. She had spent so many years going without and putting everyone else first, I just loved to spoil her and put her first for a change. She was always there for all her friends whenever they had a problem. The thing that surprised me the most about Wend was the fact that she had no acquaintances in her life, just friends. If you knew Wend, you had a friend for life. She taught me so many things in those early years. The importance of friendship. Never to waste a day but always to make the most of every day that you can. If we got up and the weather was good, we’d be off out for the day either to the coast or for one of our famous 5 mile country walks. One of the things about Wend that amazed me was that for someone who had never learned to drive, she was the most incredible navigator. You didn't need a map or SatNav if Wend was in the car. I never figured how she did it !I think that was her only real regret in life, that she never took to the wheel. She loved nothing more than to get out into the countryside and fresh air and just enjoy the beauty of everything around us. Although she was never a great swimmer, Wend loved to be close to water, whether it be the sea,a pond, a stream, a river,lake or waterfall she had a fascination with water ! Wend believed in living life to the full and making the very most of every minute of every day. She would come home after a day at work and then she would be out playing darts or badminton which she loved.She taught me not to worry about the small things and keep things in perspective. In 2005 Matt and Fi became parents for the first time when Ethan was born, and again in 2008 when Joshua came along to join his big brother.Wend absolutely doted on the boys and was the proudest Nana in the world. She felt she was complete as a wife, Mother, Nana and friend. We spent those years in blissful ignorance of what the future held for us. The shadow of cancer entered our lives the day before her 52nd birthday on 17th January 2005. I remember the consultant taking us into a side room and saying 'I'm afraid it's not the news you want to hear'. The rollercoaster ride had begun. She underwent surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy and it seemed for a while as if she had beaten it. 2006 was a good year for us and apart from regular check ups, hospital free. On 21st October that year we married and it was the happiest day of our lives. We returned to the island of Vakaru in the Maldives for our honeymoon. It seemed fitting that we should return to the island where I proposed to Wend. Our happiness was to be short lived as early in 2007 we were told that the cancer had come back again in her breast. Further surgery followed and more chemotherapy, with the added complication that during the surgery her arm became paralysed and would remain so for nearly 6 months. Again the cancer appeared to shrink but in 2008 we were told it was back for a 3rd time and this time in her lung as well. Wendy bravely started her 3rd regime of chemo and although in constant discomfort from previous surgery put up with all that was thrown at her. She never wallowed in self pity and never said 'why me'. She just carried on with the most amazing courage. A few months ago whilst at home, she started to have trouble finding words and constructing sentences. We returned to the hospital to be told that the cancer had spread to her brain. She said to the Doctor,' I take it I'm not going to make old bones then?' and she replied 'I'm sorry Wendy, but probably not'. Wend then decided that she did not want anyone else to know that her illness had now been diagnosed as terminal. She said, ‘I just want to be known as Wendy, not Wendy with cancer. I want to be treated as normal and not get the ‘sympathy’ vote. I just want to spend as much time as I can with my wonderful family'. We went home and when we were alone we cried together, holding each other so tight. I told Wend that if I could have taken the cancer from her I would , but she said it was a journey she would have to make. I promised her that I would hold her hand and stay beside her every step of the journey, it was just that when the time came, I couldn’t take the final step with her. I so wish I could have.Wend then gave me the greatest honour she could have, she asked me that if, when the time came, would I look after her children for her.I promised her I would and I will be there for both of them until my dying day. I will never let Wend down, or break my promise to her. She underwent whole brain radiotherapy in an attempt to shrink the tumours and initially things looked successful and the tumours shrank noticeably, but over the next few weeks, Wend started to become tired and lose some of her boundless energy. We went for short walks around the estate, but Wend was quite slow and her legs were weak and she felt the need to be supported by me or Sarah. Even she noticed how weak she was getting and she said to me one day, ‘I’m not living at the moment Ian, just existing’. ‘I don’t want to play anymore, let someone else have a go for a change’. In October, to celebrate our 2nd anniversary, I arranged a surprise 2 night stay at the Ritz Hotel in London. Even though Wend was quite weak and her walking was slow, she enjoyed her break and being pampered, and her trip to the theatre to see ‘Hairspray’. That was to be the last weekend away we would have. On 9th November, we went to our favourite Chinese restaurant in Westerham to celebrate my 57th birthday. We were celebrating a day early to coincide with Matts’ shifts. We had a lovely meal during which a photo was taken of Wend and I. We didn’t know it at the time but that was to be the last photo taken of Wend. Although she has her beautiful smile on her face, I can now see the tiredness behind the smile. On 17th November this year, she was suffering a lot of back pain and thinking the cancer may have spread to her spine we returned for further tests. Although CT scans showed nothing sinister she was in a lot of pain so was admitted to hospital for pain relief. Wendy would never leave the hospital again.We spent the next 9 days at her bedside, holding her hand and caring for her. She was never alone during that time, one of us at least was always with her. I slept in a chair beside her bed at night, holding her hand as I had promised I would. I never let her hand go and was constantly at her side. The cancer had travelled to the lining of her brain and although she was able to talk to us off and on as she slipped in and out of sleep, she slowly became more and more paralysed and more and more sleepy. After the Sunday night she slipped into a deeper sleep and did not move again. On the Wednesday night as the kids and I sat in the room with her, I noticed a change in her breathing and called the nurse who said 'It won't be long now'. Matt and Sarah held her hands and I took her in my arms and told her how much I loved her and how much she was loved by so many people. I told her that she had fought long and hard enough and it was OK to let go, but inside I was screaming for her not to leave me. As I watched my beautiful girl , she took two or three very gentle breaths and then she stopped breathing. It was almost as if she had waited to be told it was all right to go. She just slipped away so quietly,gently and peacefully.So typical of Wend, she never wanted to cause a fuss. I sat with her for a while in the room talking to her and holding her hand. I stroked her face and told her I would never stop loving her. At that moment my whole world fell apart and I haven't been able to cope since. Part of me died too that evening, and I can never be the same person again. My world turned from colour to black and white and my life has seemed so pointless since that evening. I have so many doubts and worries.....did she hear me telling her I loved her as she slipped away ? Is she now with her loved ones ? Will I ever see her again? Is she really close to me or am I just trying to fool myself ? At her funeral on the 8th December 225 people attended to say goodbye to my darling wife. She touched so many people in her life and was such a good person. Why did she have to suffer like this ? I just can't reconcile myself with the thought that there is a benevolent , loving God when He can make such a good person suffer like this. Sorry I have rambled on for so long but I just needed to get this down to try and make some sense of it all and to try and find a way to stop my tears and this feeling of pain inside. Please stay close to me my darling, give me your strength and courage to carry on and please help me to come to terms with being without you. I will keep my promise to you and look after Matt and Sarah and the boys. I will always be there for them and will never let them down. I miss holding your hand and stroking your beautiful face. I miss your lovely smile, your beautiful blue twinkling eyes and the sound of your laughter. I am so proud to have had the honour of being your husband if only for a short while. You were one in a million my darling and the world is a colder place without you in it. You brought so much love and gave so many gifts to this world. I just hope and pray that when my time comes, I close my eyes on this cruel world and when I reopen them I will see you standing there with your arms outstretched, waiting for me to join you again, but this time for all eternity. God Bless you my darling, I will love you forever until the day we are reunited and our love will last for all eternity. Your husband, Ian XXXXX