Where was God when I needed him most.......................? An answer from my dear friend Tony Thomas Many people’s faith in God is shaken when they pray in times of trouble and they do not see their prayers answered. The bible tells us that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) but how can this be when he allows those we love to suffer and die? These are difficult things for us to understand, but if we are able step back from our own grief and try and consider the issues, as if from afar, it may become a little clearer. It is a fact that each and every one of us must die. The manner of our death will be different for each individual. We may, on the face of it, consider those who have a relatively pain free death to be fortunate, however it may not be so for their loved ones. For example a youngster who is killed instantly in a motorbike accident may have experienced no suffering at all, but their parents would not feel that the loss of one so young was in any way a blessing. The Bible tells us that the fact that there is suffering and death in the world is as a result of our sin, as manifest through Adam and Eve. (This is something you may want to discuss in more detail elsewhere. Many people feel that this part of the Bible is allegorical but it is in fact the key to understanding much of it). Within the Bible there are many things which appear to be in tension, to almost contradict each other. For example it recognises that there is apparent unfairness in life. That, on the face of it, crime does pay, the wicked do get rich and prosper. It tells us that those who follow Christ will suffer whilst on earth because of it. We are told that we all must face eternity and that our lives here on earth are less than a blink of an eye in comparison. But the Bible also tells us that for those who believe, there will be an eternity of joy and happiness but that God will judge the wicked who will face eternal punishment. The classic example is Christ himself, who did no wrong, who suffered extremes of humiliation, intense suffering and death but who is now enjoying joy beyond our imagination. So how does any of this impact on you and Wend? From what you have told me you both found the kind of intense, deep and mutual love that most dream of but very few ever experience. The Bible says that all good things come from God, so was this not a gift from Him? As I understand it, Wend had a long and slow end to her life, which despite your prayers didn’t change. To say that the visit you had from her after she had gone, was unusual is an understatement and I suspect that many grieving people would think you very fortunate and would give anything for such a visit. The description that you gave is consistent with biblical descriptions of heavenly beings and the smile and the kiss surely indicate that all is now well with her. So what was that all about? My thoughts are that she wanted to show you that she is no longer in pain and has passed into a greater existence. I wasn’t fortunate enough to know your Wend but it seems to me that she loved you very much. Would she have made a visit like that just to let you see her one more time or was there a greater purpose to it? One interpretation that I would like to suggest is that she wants you to realise that her pain and suffering are gone and forgotten and she wouldn’t want you to remember her in her last days, but as she was and especially as she is now, literally glowing and smiling. If I am right you have had two incredible gifts from God. The first being your time with Wend and the second being the visit. It is true that God works in ways that we often do not understand and sometimes he puts us on our back because it is the only way to get us to look up. The book of Job for example, I used to think that this was a strange and weird book. Job, a really righteous man is deliberately ruined losing his family, his life and his health, eventually he challenges God and God effectively says, “when have you ever had to run a universe, how can you possibly understand what I am doing, trust me it is for your good”. Sure enough, eventually Job is more blessed than he was at the beginning. I can’t pretend to know the pain you have gone through nor can I understand how God has worked in your life or how your prayers were dealt with by him. But I do see some amazing positives; gifts that you have had and it is my belief that God loves you, that he loves Wend and that he wants you to know that, despite everything you have experienced. To put it clinically there are two ways you can go from here 1) Remember the pain and grief of Wend’s last days and your personal pain and loss and feel that God has let you down and maybe even turn your back on him. 2) Remember the love and happiness you shared with Wend and the happiness she now has and thank God for what he has given you, even though you don’t understand why he has taken it away or all of his ways. Whichever way you choose I would suggest that you read his word, the Bible. You may be surprised at the comfort you can find in there. I hope that this helps Yours in Christ TT